PANASHE'S HEALING

Until four months ago, I was afraid... I was afraid of people, I was afraid of talking to them, getting to know them, making friends. I was afraid my behavior would come off as weird, or unpleasant or just making someone uncomfortable. I was afraid that something, some small thing might trigger me and I would end up saying something I would regret, something that would make people judge me or make me seem hostile. This fear to speak became so great that for a very long time I literally had no voice. I remember that for the longest time every person I spoke with constantly asked me to speak up! I was afraid of going out into the world and making use of my talents, sharing my gifts and maybe making someone's day. In my own eyes I was weird and everything I said or did was insufficient, substandard or worthless. I was afraid of facing challenges or doing tasks because every task seemed impossible and I was never the right person for a job or the right mind to tackle a problem.

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I was defeated before I had even entered the arena ,I failed before I tried. I was afraid of my family. The usual petty and childish sibling rivalries were turned into ugly personal grudges. I thought my family were out to get me, or they hated me and wanted to see me break and suffer. I was sometimes afraid of what my pet dog or cat were thinking about doing to me in my sleep. It sounds insane but it happened twice. I was afraid of admitting I had a problem and that I needed help. I was afraid of asking for help, and now that I look back, that fear was just a reflection of what I thought of myself.

 

I was truly blessed when I met Craig from Mary Jane through my mother. Every day of my life after that has been a journey of self-discovery and self-improvement. I have frontal lobe epilepsy. Discovered it at the end of 2020 and had struggled with prescribed medication, and there was a lot of it! But for the past four months and with craig's help I've been taking special blends of terpenes and psilocybin that have balanced and changed my life, improving my wellbeing. I now have courage. Courage to go out and make friends, which is one of my favourite activities now. Meeting new people, sharing and laughing. I now have the courage to chase my dreams and ambitions. I know and understand that with patience and some "elbow grease" I can attain whatever goals I set myself to achieve. I now have courage to love other people especially my family. I had forgotten how fond my sisters are of me and I really enjoy cooking for the family. I now have courage to live and achieve happiness and I owe this to craig, the team at balanced by maryjane and the life changing products they are constantly developing to help individuals such as myself reach the light at the end of the tunnel.

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Before the journey to self-betterment can begin, one must see and accept ones shortcomings and flaws. All my life I've known I'm different. I've felt it and I've had people hint it to me. The signs were there. The moods, the anger, the violent behavior, but despite all that I personally saw myself as perfect and thought of my condition as some kind of superpower, or at the very least, not a bad thing. I wasn't a freak. I was not unwell in my mind. I was a perfect human specimen with minor emotional control issues, a serious sleeping disorder, and a small substance abuse problem. I didn't believe I needed help as to me everything I felt and did was in the ordinary scope of human existence.

As I grew older my condition worsened and my family pushed me and sometimes dragged me to get help. I went to see psychologists and they said I had one or another trauma, that I needed to work on my emotions. They prescribed me so much medication it made me feel numb.

 

I went to see a holy man, a prophet. He laid his hands on my head and discovered I was plagued with demons and they would haunt me at night in my dreams. He proceeded to exorcise them and cleanse my spirit. He gave me a bible to put under my pillow every day. But nothing changed, at least in the eyes of those close to me. I eventually met with a traditional healer. A person of much earthly wisdom and knowledge. She gave me concoctions made of roots and herbs. She gave me charms to wear and protect myself, as there where evil people sending dark forces after me. But still I knew no peace. In my mind I was okay, and everyone else was insane and I always found the reasonable explanation to every sleepless night, bout of anger, cruel word uttered and my ever terrible mood. Despite so many people telling me to get help, I never thought I needed it.

 

I lost friends. I lost family. I lost the respect and care of those who held me dear. In turn I lost all care and compassion for anyone and that is when everything came tumbling down. For a long while I was okay. I got used to a life of solitude. I even embraced its simple way to live without people or family to complicate things or cause me trouble. I didn't need anyone to tell me I needed help or was unwell. I didn't need anyone period. I told myself I was okay. But the longer a volcanoes remains dormant, the greater and more terrifying the eruption.

One fateful night I got emotional and burst. I hurt someone. Someone I truly cared for. I hurt them so bad I haven't forgiven myself to this day, even though they have said they've forgiven me. But it was at that point in time that someone I respected told me that I had a problem and I could not be helped unless I accepted that I did.

 

A couple of months later I was diagnosed with frontal lobe epilepsy. I had spent a decade without knowing what caused my behaviour. The moment I looked into what it was it all made sense. My personality, behaviour, my life for the past ten years was immediately put on medication which helped...for a while,as time went on I developed a resistance to the meds and my condition worsened.

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Thankfully, it was around that time that I met Craig who introduced me to their blends and remedies offered by Mary Jane. In my case I was given psilocybin and cbd oils that to date continue to change my life. It's been four months now since I started taking the blends and I can not believe it, it feels like I've always been the happy, energetic, friendly and focused young man I am now and all the troubles of my past seem like a bad dream I woke up from ages ago and should forget. But history has a lesson for all of us. I am hoping my history can help you grasp a most important lesson to me and people with similar histories and conditions as mine.

 

The first step to getting betting is admitting you have a problem and accepting a helping hand - I did and if you are in trouble, you should too!

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Thank you

Panashe